he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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