you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...