I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."