Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
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I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.