just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked