I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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