i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
