wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
pray to the hookup gods
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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