Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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