so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
