Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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