i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
