Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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