I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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