Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
