Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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