I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
