that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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