i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
