My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
