she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
