Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
