Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize