So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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