Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
