My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
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I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
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I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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