Will you blow on my dice?
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
