are you still at the devil's house?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
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I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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