I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
