How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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