Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
