Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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