I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
