were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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