I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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