On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize