I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
