I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
