Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize