Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
