Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize