Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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