Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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