i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
