last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
