you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
