things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
