It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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