he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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