p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
