Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
