Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
