It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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