Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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