I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
