Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
