How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
