Soap is not a condiment
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
