I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
3 2 1 whiskey
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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